Saturday, February 18, 2017

Three Paragraphs: Routine

*Chair Squeals* Well it's been a week since I got that cold thing I was talking about last time. I was looking through the log sheets I built to keep track of my progress on my goals for this year and there's eight days missing inexplicably. Actually that's the wrong word. It's easy to explain but if I were a spinning top right now I'd be wobbling pretty hard right now.

I find routines to be important. When I manage to do something for a few weeks in a row I feel like I'm making real changes in my life. I feel like things are happening. These reinforcing good feelings only get better as times goes on because I can't actually remember the individual moments of each day anymore. If memory is like a pen placing dots on a page as it rolls by, then my pen isn't dotting as often anymore and I can feel it. My replacement for this is to make each day as similar as possible so there's less I have to remember. If every day is the same then I can start to remember the differences instead of having to remember every part of the day.

Except that it seems that every time I get a good routine going, a cold comes along and shoves all of that aside and throws it in the garbage. I have no idea what is happening in my life right now because I haven't followed any of the usual routines for a week and a half. My dotting pen can't even find the page to dot on these days. And no amount of routine can fix the fact that when my alarm goes off I'm simply rolling over and going back to bed. Cold, I shake my fist at you.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Three Paragraphs: My Weakness

I got a cold this week. It came on some time around Monday when I was in the middle of a closing shift at work. I could feel the tickle in the back of my through that told me that my nose was starting to run. I could feel the words become hard and harder to get out of my throat. I could feel sleep start to chase me even though it was only 9 PM and I still had an hour and a half to go. I got home and headed to bed with the intention of getting up at 4 AM and heading to the gym before anyone else got there and continue working on my New Year's Resolution to bulk up in the lower body area by lifting heavy weights.

The next morning I woke up at 9 AM just barely and only because I had to get up to go to an appointment with Amanda. There was no lifting of heavy weights. Okay, I told myself that I'd just do it Wednesday morning instead. Except on Wednesday I woke up and felt like I was breathing through a straw and so I figured I should wait until Friday to go back again. At 3 AM on Friday morning I awoke after three hours of fitful sleep and decided to take drugs and go back to bed. I awoke at 8 AM and didn't lift anything heavier than a coffee mug.

Does this make me weak? Am I making excuses? I want to go to the gym but 4 AM is really the only time it's empty enough for me to not be afraid of working out, and there are an awful lot of reasons why it doesn't always work out for me to wake up then. I don't think it makes me weak, I think it makes me realistic. I'm not going to win any awards or anything but with very little practice, I'm already 60% of the way towards hitting my weight targets for this year so maybe I can take things a bit easier. Yes this is my weakness but I'm not really into self-flagellation.