Friday, October 29, 2010
In my plan making madness, I often have fits of inspired thought. The other day I was thinking about making some plans when it occured to me that I was stressing out about making plans with this person, and they had never made plans with me. Suddenly I realized that so few of the people I hang out with are plan makers. There's a few here and there and I tend to hang out with those people fairly regularily, but a lot of my friends seem to be loafers. They don't make plans with me, they simply wait until I make plans with them otherwise we just never hang out.
Am I being ridiculous here? All I really expect is that we can share the load of making plans. I will start by making the plans and then you will make the plans for the next time we hang out. Why can't we just do that? That way we both feel equally involved in the planning process and we're both expressing interest in each other instead of feeling somewhat desperate at times.
People who make plans seem to be the people with the most friends. I have a friend who's a highly effective plan maker and he knows more people than I can possibly imagine. Maybe I'm just destined to be a plan maker who makes plans and reaps some of the benefits of plan making.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Ben, what's your deal?
laughs That's kind of an open ended question, where should I start?
Wherever you want. It's an interview with yourself after all...
Yeah, but the whole point of interviewing myself is so that I don't have to seem pushy...
Ok, what's new in your life?
...because that's so much less open ended. What's new in my life? Well, I picked a new profession of choice for the next six months.
What's that all about?
I discovered recently that I lower my expectations for what career to partake in about every six months. In first year it was possibly medicine, then dentistry, then it was nursing, then it was biology research.
What's this half-year's choice?
Yes, seriously. I was thinking about something that a guest at House Famous said about law . He was recounting the story of how he ended up at law school, and was saying that he tried his hand at a couple of LSAT questions and found he was pretty well suited to that kind of thinking so he borrowed some money, took a prep-course, and ended up in law school. So I was thinking about this one day and though "why not?", mostly because the LSAT contains no information, it's all about thinking and reasoning instead of knowing content. I went to indigo and bought a book, and now I'm looking at writing it in February, depending on how things go.
Are you going to take a class?
They cost like...$1000 so I probably won't consider it unless I'm still pretty serious about this whole thing in a couple of weeks.
Whatever happened to your plans for a music career?
They're still there but I've got so much else on my plate right now that it's hard to find a spare moment to work on that stuff.
What are you doing music wise right now?
I started taking guitar lessons, which is going really well. It's not just guitar lessons, there's a lot of improvising and music theory in it as well so it's there to kind of expand my music vocabulary. I've been feeling really limited in terms of what I can express on an instrument so hopefully this will help me.
What happened to your grand "one song a week" project
It was a spectacular failure. I write songs very slowly, and I need to be in the mood to write, so trying to put out one song per week just wasn't going to happen.
So you just choose not to push yourself creatively?
Sort of...there's a tension there between what I want to do and what I can do. I want to write more music and sometimes goal setting helps me to do that (like during RPM 08) but then sometimes it just makes me bitter about having to output creatively. Somewhere in between accepting how I am and pushing myself to do better, there's a sweet spot where I'm most effective as an artist.
You write about your faith sometimes, without ever really getting specific. What's going on there?
I don't like that phrase "My faith". Faith makes it sound like it's some kind of thing I think about sometimes and then just forget about it the rest of the time. It's so much more than that. For me it translates into a lot of thinking about how Christianity works in North American society where we have so few needs and everything is made a shit-load more complicated by how much leisure time we have.
Ok, so forget "faith". What effects does Christianity or Christ have on your life?
It's so hard to talk about faith without saying something cliche....
What do you mean?
The question, "What effects does Christ have on your life?" initiates this kind of gag reflex. I don't know if it's my inner hipster hating things that get said a lot or what but that's what I think. I suppose I should answer the question though. To me it's so complicated it's hard to comment on. When you get down to it, Christ is all about love and loving those around you and the God who created all of you. But that's so complicated when we live in a society where people are independent. Oftentimes people don't see the need for or the importance of love, and so this entire ideology or way of living becomes this unnecessary set of rules for them and they totally miss out. In the meantime, we manage to fuck it up and distort it in every way possible. Everyone has a story about how they've been burned by the church or by someone who claimed to be a follower of Christ, and it just makes everyone even more wary of those who claim to be followers of Christ.
It sounds like that's something that upsets you a lot...people distorting Christ
It bothers me that no one sees anything wrong with that. It bothers me that there are people in the church who engage in destructive and manipulative social practices like gossiping and venting, and see no problem with it. It also bothers me that people think that they can identify the problems of others better than others can. Jesus says right there in the gospels "Take the log out of your own eye before trying to remove the speck from your brother's eye". That's what we are. We're a bunch of log eyed fools sometimes. I honestly wonder what God is doing with us at times.
I'd love to hear more about this but I think we're getting near to the end of our space. Any last words?
Not really. I'm terrible with endings.
Until next time then...
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Why do I like things? Broad enough question, I know. What I mean to say is, why do I do what I do?
I was thinking about this today while watching the Social Network again with some other people (Give me something engaging and I’ll get completely wrapped up in it. Give me something that I’ve seen already and you’ve given me 2 hours to sit and think). What are my motivations for doing things? I like to argue with people. Sit down and tell me something, anything, it could be about a sports team, a movie, a current event, a lifestyle choice, and I can almost guarantee you that I will disagree with you. I don’t like what you’ve just said even though, five seconds ago, I didn’t have an opinion on it.
This stunning realization while watching the movie gave me time to skim brief life choices. I determined that the real reason I like plant biology is because in High School, a girl I liked told me she hated plant biology so I decided that I would like it. Why am I interested in evolutionary and ecological biology? Because everyone else at my school said they liked life science. What was my first reaction? Fuck them, I like the other stuff. I didn’t have an opinion about it before but now that there’s someone to argue with, I’ll go to town with it. Recommend a band to me and you’d have been better of telling me that they really suck.
Does this apply to my relationship? No. Does this apply to my faith? Yes. I don’t really get it. How did this happen, and what am I supposed to do here? Do I embrace the fact that my first response to everyone is to give them the finger or do I try and change this? I’m not really making decisions for me anymore, I’m being some kind of reactionary jackass.