Saturday, January 29, 2011

Things to Do Today

What luck, I have a Saturday where I'm not at home but also not working. This bodes well for my massive pile of homework. What should I probably do today?

-Work on cover letters for the 9 summer jobs I'm applying to so far
-Find literature for the 3 projects I'm supposed to be working on right now
-Read and summarize said literature *insert audible groan*
-Work on assignment for other course
-Figure out what the heck my plant physiology prof was talking about in lecture on Friday

Luckily there's not too many distractions here so there's a chance that I might actually get everything done.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Repeated Disappointment

I get stressed out in university a lot. It's because they do this thing where they tell you about great opportunities for you to be involved in but then they say that there is limited space available. The chances of you getting the opportunities are also pretty much always based on marks. It's really frustrating. I feel like I live in a state of constant anxiety about the whole thing.

Someday I will graduate from university and will continue this process in the working world. I figure by the time I hit 35 it'll be over....

Thursday, January 20, 2011

My Father's Son....and Something About Lauryn Hill

I look a lot like my dad. If you put our high school pictures side by side, we look like the same person. It's pretty crazy. This does not bode well for my hairline but it has other side effects. For example, today I went to talk to one of my professors who used to be a patient of my dads (my dad is a dentist for those of you who don't know him). My dad said that I should probably go and introduce myself as his son just so my prof knew but I thought to myself "the first time I see her, she'll ask". Lo and behold, today I went and talked to her for 5 minutes and the second thing she asked me was if I was his son. Being my father's son is always interesting.

On a completely different note Lauryn Hill is crazy! Sometimes a musician puts out a genius album, then has an existential crisis and falls apart. As music fans, we wait patiently for them to get over it and put out a new genius album. But that doesn't always happen. Sometimes musicians just turn on their fans and have a complete meltdown. Looks like we won't be getting another Miseducation of Lauryn Hill after all.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

What's up...

I still get self conscious about writing stuff here. I've made blogging mistakes in the past and now I've undergone some serious journalistic emasculation. Some words don't go up here so easily. Things like personal stories, names, strong language, accusations. You know, personal issues. It's becoming more and more difficult to keep out of here though. I'm needing a spot to write some things down and I only have two places left to do it. One being here and the other being in the journal on my desk.

Shit is crazy in my life right now. I went on a trip this weekend that I probably shouldn't have gone on due to lots of things that I didn't predict or didn't think about at the time. If I have one glaring flaw it's that I can't remember anything. I forget dates, birthdays, what I'm doing, what's left in my fridge, and other important things (oddly enough, I remember stories and random personal details with surprising accuracy).

You know how sometimes you can see how to solve someone else's problems very easily but find your own problems to be totally impossible? I get that sometimes but right now I'm having the exact opposite problem. Problems in my life are being resolved with surprising efficiency but the problems of some friends around me seem stiff, immobile, and totally unfair. I'm not really sure how to help or how to progress.

Today I'm working on some projects. 3 out of my 5 courses have some kind of major project associated with them so I sat down and figured out where the due dates were and such. I'm constantly refining the academic process in order to have more time and better marks. It's worked for the last 5 semesters so I should be able to make it through the next 3.

Thursday, January 13, 2011


I played one year of minor hockey as a kid. I loved the idea of hockey but had absolutely no idea how it actually worked. I had the attention span of a five year old, which makes sense considering I was five years old when I played minor hockey. I was so bad a hockey, here's a list of fine quotes from my hockey games.

"Ben you got an assist today!"
"I did?"

"Ben, just because you're on defence doesn't mean you can't cross the blue line"

"Ben, stop talking and watch the game"

As you can see, I was somewhat oblivious to the finer points of the game. As an adult, I wish I could go back and give myself a pep talk, because now I wish I could play hockey. The problem is that when you're an adult and you've never done something, like played hockey for example, there are almost no opportunities for you to learn as an adult. It's kind of sad.

I wish that there was a hockey league for beginner adult hockey players or for guys who are bad at hockey to play in a fun environment without feeling judged by the vast superiority of the other guys.

Friday, January 7, 2011

A Christmas Gift (2 of 2)

Note: This is part two of two posts dedicated to my sister Alison.

It's tough to sum up how someone affects your life. Sometimes even I don't know why I ended up the way that I did, let alone who was responsible. That's what I told my sister I was preparing for her Christmas present though, so here is my best attempt though it may not be the best.
When I was in grade 7 I experienced a bout of bullying coupled with depression. When I needed some help it was Alison that I turned to for assistance. She was the first one to start doing something about what was going through, and though I don't doubt that everyone in my family had a part in the healing process that occurred after that, Ali is the person I identify as the first step out of that dark part in my life.
She's always been a big support, talking me through tough things in my life and giving me encouragement, especially with creative endeavours. I can remember conversations with her on a road trip to upstate New York that formed the basis of my romantic exploits through most of high school. I can also remember a couple of emails and comments that encouraged me to continue song writing even in the face of frustrating self-deprecation. As recent as this summer, we had a conversation where I finally started to face my difficulties with school.
There have also been a lot of great memories we've been able to share together. Being a much older sister, she and her husband were able to take me and my youngest sister Joanna on trips that most other kids would have to do with their parents. Things like camping trips, excursions to a water park in New York (Surprise!), or playing host during week long visits in the summer when I'd head off to day-camps and hang out with them during the evening.
Alison has been a really big part of my life and has had a big effect on me and I can't imagine what life would have been like without her.