Monday, September 19, 2011

Bleah

As I skim down the page at my ever slimming entries, I immediately get worried. I feel like I'm slipping. Life is so normal these days when compared to my time in California that I feel like I'm not learning anything about life.

I don't think this is true. I still feel like I'm learning stuff but it seems that the things I'm learning and the realizations I come to are less dramatic than the ones in California.

My thoughts are actually a lot like this video these days. Enjoy. (p.s. this video has a bunch of f-bombs. Consider yourself warned)


Friday, September 16, 2011

Not Real

My oldest sister just left on a pretty amazing trip around the world. I spent some time in Detroit visiting both her and my second-oldest sister in the week before we left. It gave time for a lot of really neat conversations about the trip she was going on and how she felt about the whole thing. We had one conversation that I connected with and I wonder if other people thing the same thing sometimes.

She was talking about how she was leaving soon, but it didn't really feel real. To her, the prospect of being away didn't really seem like it was imminent even though she had plane tickets and they had sold their house and all that stuff. There was this lingering sense that it could all just be made up. I told her that I had a similar experience in the run-up to California.

I get this experience a lot. I remember that things in my life have happened, but it doesn't seem real at times. It's like they could have just been made up. I went to California but when I think about it now, it seems like it could have just been a dream that I had. I used to be in school, but when I think about being in high school it seems like a distant whisper and I have to go back to pictures or writings to remember that it was a real thing. I seem to cling to these memories at times, afraid that they'll just slip away.

Sometimes I think it might just be a byproduct of the fact that my life is pretty mundane at times. The moments that stand out from the norm seem fresh and crisp, while the daily grind just fades into the background. Perhaps this is an indication that I need to take more risks in life so that things stick out more.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

LAN Praty!

I spent Tuesday night after work playing Starcraft 2 with some friends. In the old days we would have called that a LAN party, except that you have to be online to play Starcraft 2 so it wasn't really a LAN party. We weren't keeping track though.

I spent a lot of the evening giggling uncontrollably. Things that really aren't that funny always make me laugh like an idiot at a LAN party. I actually probably look like a huge dork at a LAN party...[insert moment of self reflection]

Anyways it reminded me a lot of high school and the LAN parties I used to have with a couple friends. They were always small but fun. We'd goof off playing whatever games, talking, drinking Mountain Dew, and eating pizza. I lost touch with a lot of the friends I used to LAN party with, but I still remember the times very fondly. I think high school would have been much more lonely with no LAN parties.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Doing Nothing

Do you ever struggle to accomplish things you set out to do? We set out to do all this stuff, and some people manage to do it (for reasons often beyond their control), and some people don't. I usually fall into the latter category. Where do you fall?

It's kind of unfortunate that we have this problem sometime. Can you imagine what would happen if we actually did all the stuff we set out to do? That would be pretty awesome.

I'm trying to follow through more on things by setting more realistic goals. For example, I've been learning about the 10000 hour principle lately and I decided I wanted to start working on 10000 hours at something other than watching TV. I'm starting with my saxophone since I've got a good head start on that...(somewhere around 800 hours) and working my way up from not practicing at all, to about 20 hours a week. We'll see how successful I am, but I am taking it in small bites at this stage.

I see people who want to become so much but procrastinate so easily. I am one of them.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

A New Thing That Isn't Really New

Sometimes I come to realizations that are new to me, but DEFINITELY not totally novel. Some of the stuff I write about is old news. This is one of those things.

You see, I started work this week. This is the first long term full time job I've worked so that's interesting, but it's also the most regular schedule I've ever had. I get up at 7 AM every morning, grab coffee, and sit with my dad in the living room and read for a bit. Then I go to my room and perform a variety of tasks including managing my finances, playing computer games, writing emails, and practicing music. Then at 11:30 I put on my work hat (literally. Like there's a real hat I have to wear at work...) and drive to work. I work for 8-9 hours and then come home. When I arrive home I write more emails and spend some time talking on the phone with Amanda before going to bed and doing it all again the next day.

It's a revelation. Every day holds pretty much the same thing and so I get the sense that I'm really into some kind of grind. There are these things that I do every day and that I could potentially do every day for the rest of my life. Right now it's exciting, but I wonder if I will ever burn out on it.

So that's pretty much all of my life at the moment. I'm doing my best to find fulfillment in things outside of work and work is good, but I feel a bit like I'm always looking over my shoulder to see if the rest of my life is sneaking up on me.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Get Your Head Right

Whoa! I log on to make a new post today and Google has changed the entire interface of my blogging software. It's very pretty but totally different than the old one. I'll have to adjust.

Anyways...enough about that. What did I come here to talk about? Oh yeah, how crazy life is these days. Maybe crazy is the wrong word. What I mean to say is that my entire life has changed from what I thought it was going to be this year to what it is now, and I'm quite happy about it.

I'm currently parked in front of my brand new computer (which is brand new in more than one way right now. I just got it four days ago and it's currently playing music by the band "Brand New") in the room I'll be occupying in my parents house preparing for a weekend at my grandparents cottage before I start work on Tuesday (hopefully...still no word on my schedule). Yet at the beginning of this month, I thought I would still be in school for another year working away at a program I was increasingly uneasy about. I think my life is pretty clear evidence that you're not really stuck doing anything if you're willing to be flexible.

Now I'm just trying to get my head into this new plan. It feels like the whole world turned upside down, but I'm slowly getting my bearings.