Saturday, March 17, 2012

I Am Back In Quinte West

When I was in High School I was deathly afraid of engaging people. I didn't want to start conversations because I felt like that meant I was being annoying. I didn't want to approach people and ask questions because I felt like they would just want me to go away.

I still wanted friends though. I wanted to talk to people, learn things, the usual stuff you do in relationships with other people.

I tried to get around this by doing things that begged attention. I participated in lots of activities, I wrote a blog and filled it with stuff for people to comment on. One time at camp, I wore the same shirt for 3 weeks (the entire length of my program) and shaved my head in an attempt to stick out enough to get people to come and talk to me so I could make friends.

That was years ago though right? I would still do that stuff today right?

Today I woke up and realized that I still do that. The things I do are different, and in most cases less extreme, but they still beg for relationships without actually asking.

Even this blog seems to be about trying to get comments from people. I get sad when people don't say anything about a post. "Curses" I say "No one wants to comment on my carefully formulated post which was designed to get people to talk to me". Then I get all moody when these backdoor approaches to friendship fall flat. I woke up today and realized I'm still in High School. The more things change, the more they stay the same I guess.

I've talked with Jason about this a hundred times. He's much more capable with starting conversations with people he's interested in, and he's less afraid than I am. He always finds helpful suggestions, and I am always paralyzed with fear. I need to learn how not to be afraid.

Thoughts on Endings

"The things of this world do not satisfy"

Is that a real quote? It sounds like a bible verse but I can't remember if it actually is. I keep discovering things I thought were bible verses really aren't because I wasn't paying attention.  I should be paying attention.

I finished playing a game recently. I devoted close to 80 hours of my life to the games in this series. I thoroughly enjoyed the first and the second games. I did not enjoy the third game. I slogged through it, desperately trying to finish it and figure out what happens. I wanted "the good ending".
Turns out there is no good ending. I am disappointed with all the endings. I don't like how things turned out. This takes me back to the "quote".

"The things of this world do not satisfy"

I just blew 80 hours, only to be left with a lingering feeling of disappointment. I went through all that time of leisure, hoping for some kind of immense catharsis at the end only to be met with a dissatisfaction.

80 hours translates into 10 nights of sleep, or 2 full work weeks, or $800 in wages. 80 hours translates into 30 hockey games, 40 extended conversations, or the time it would take to eat 80 meals. I get to the end of the 80 hours and all I am reminded of is...

"The things of this world do not satisfy"

I'll remember that next time I pick up a videogame.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

All Done

I finished it!

It's a week later than I said it would be, but the 5 song EP that I've produced of very rough songs is now available. You can get it from my Bandcamp page which is HERE. It is free if you want it to be or it is as much as you want. I hope you enjoy this little musical sliver.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Failure (sort of)

I tried to do the RPM challenge this year which is where you attempt to write and record an album in one month (remember when I completed it in 2008?). I failed, sort of. I did not complete the ten song album in February. I went on a trip to New York City and got engaged in the middle there so that cut into my productivity time. I still managed to start on six songs though.

The reason why I say I sort of failed is that I'm still planning on finishing those six songs. I have today and tomorrow off from work, so I'll be packing in those songs over the next two days. When it's all done, I'll post the finished 6 song EP on my Bandcamp page (see the sidebar). It will be ROUGH (so you've been warned) but I'm really excited about some of the songs.

I'll give an update tomorrow with how far I manage to get once I get started on the 6 songs. I think I can finish it in time.