Wednesday, December 23, 2015

December 23rd, 2015

If you sit down for long enough and do nothing, you discover just how much ground your brain covers. Is that a universal feeling? Do you thoughts wander aimlessly when you sit down? I think they do because I can feel the discomfort in the silence when I can't think of what to say next.

That was fun wasn't it? What did you think about while we were sitting here silently together? The weather? If you left the oven on? Your brain is always going off and thinking about the next thing. Stupid brain. Why won't it slow down.

For the last 3-4 years I have noticed a steady erosion of my attention span. It usually got a correction whenever I went on a retreat but in the day-to-day grind of life I have noticed that my desire to do things that are hard, and my ability to persevere has just dropped to almost zero. I could blame this on any number of things, but that would be a useless exercise because I want to fix the problem. So how do you fix the problem?

 I try not to look at my phone. If I am picking up my phone, it's because I don't want to be bored and I know that there is something new to read in the endless numbers of social media apps that I use that will prevent me from having to be idle and live inside my own thoughts. If I want my attention span to improve, I have to stop picking up my phone.

I don't know if I can do that so in the meantime, I've got a bible app on my phone and when I would normally read some social media, I'm reading Hebrews. I have read Hebrews before, so I'm no longer satisfying my need see something new. I am doing something that is a little bit hard. It's hard to read the Bible when I still don't understand a lot of what is going on. So those ten minutes of reading Hebrews instead of flipping through Instagram is like five minutes on the treadmill. It's not much, but someday it's going to get me somewhere.