Thursday, March 24, 2016

March 24th, 2016: Why do you go to church?

If you do anything for long enough, it's possible that you start to forget why you are doing it in the first place. Doing something because you have always done it becomes a reason all by itself. So when someone asks you "Hey, why do you do that?" in a normal conversation and you can't give an answer right away, that's probably a sign that you should stop and take a second to think about why you do. A friend got me with the question in the title of today's post. We were catching up and she said "so why do you go to church?" and I said some things, but I don't know if I gave an honest answer.

There are many reasons for why I go to church. The most practical is that I want to be a pastor and so for the sake of my future career, I join and get involved in a church now so that later on I have some  credibility. If that was the only reason though, that would be pretty selfish. It's not. There are deeper reasons.

There is a bit that Louis CK gave on a late night talk show once where he talked about how life was incredibly sad and there was this dark place that you go to sometimes when you don't have anything to distract you. I go to that place a lot. I describe it to Amanda as an existential crisis. I just sit there and pour over the thought that I exist and that I am scared and sad. Some people seem to be okay accepting that. I cannot do that. If my only choice was to live with that feeling without any sense of resolution, I would not be able to go on.

I don't always enjoy church. It makes me anxious because there are people and because I never know what I am supposed to be doing (which is because of my famous social anxiety). "Are people judging me? Should I be talking to someone right now? I am scared. I am going to hide in a corner until I leave" Yet every Sunday I make an effort to go now. I push past it because I have to be there yes, but I also push past it because of that pit inside me. Because if I didn't show up, I would be consumed with fear for the rest of the week. With no one else to share a sense of hope about the future and a faith in a God who is making all things right, I would have a hard time desiring to do anything except locking myself in a room and avoiding all human contact.

I cannot believe that God would create me only to have me curled up in a ball on the floor for the rest of my life filled with existential dread. I don't think he did. Church is a place where I can go to celebrate that this sense of dread is a lie and there is something to look forward to. As hard as it can be for me, church is a place filled with people who are gathered around the same hope. So yes, I go to church because I want to work. But I also go to church because I want to live.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

March 22nd, 2016

Sorry for the spotty posts this weekend. Amanda and I were celebrating our anniversary and then other stuff got in the way.

Saturday, March 19, 2016

March 19th, 2016: Some babble about flavours and tasting

We recorded a podcast while we were celebrating our anniversary and eating chips. It's not very deep but maybe you will enjoy it.

Friday, March 18, 2016

March 18th, 2016

Yesterday was really busy. I arrived home at midnight and collapsed into bed. I did not record anything. I thought that would be okay. You can listen to yesterday's post which I didn't advertise instead. Enjoy that. I will get back to recording today.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

March 17th, 2016: Two Thoughts on Ted Rogers being thrown in the harbour

I'm going to get in trouble for something I said in here.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

March 16th, 2016: Acquiring New Music

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

March 15th, 2016: Jason on why you should cheer for sports teams that don't always win

Special thanks to Jason for letting me say insensitive things about his favourite sports teams and letting me interview him in his living room.

Monday, March 14, 2016

March 14th, 2016: Amanda on her Paper

There is some language in this one, but I elected to leave it in.

Sunday, March 13, 2016

March 13th, 2016

Saturday, March 12, 2016

March 12th, 2016

Friday, March 11, 2016

March 11th, 2016

Yesterday's post was the beginning of a very expensive experiment. I'm always trying to think of ways to coerce myself into sticking to things and spending money is one of those ways. If I spend money I might keep doing it consistently because I'll feel bad about wasting so much. I have been wanting to do more interviews with people I know and practice my audio editing skills.

My old recording equipment would have worked, but suddenly it all decided it would be obsolete and would no longer operate with any of the software I still have. Whoops. So I purchased a small handheld recorder with some good microphones attached and decided I would use that. It would be more convenient anyway. I recorded yesterdays post and then went to edit it. Whoops, the program that I received free with the recorder has no playback cursor. That means there's no way to see where in the file you are listening. If you're trying to cut out pieces of audio then that's kind of important. After fighting with it for an hour, I gave up and purchased a subscription to Adobe Audition which I'm much more familiar with. So now I'm really invested in this exercise and really frustrated with technology.

My plan is to upload some sort of audio content every day. I have to stagger it because it can take me a while to edit the files. I've already recorded the file for tomorrow, but it needs to be touched up and scheduled and so it won't go up until Saturday. What this means is that starting tomorrow I will be trying to put up an audio clip every day. It will probably be mostly monologues but there might be a few interviews here and there. For now they will just be posted here, but eventually I will set up a podcast feed so it's easier to keep up with.

With that said, I will stop typing and start talking.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

March 10th, 2016

Saturday, March 5, 2016

March 5th, 2016

I did not have to do anything yesterday. I had no work scheduled, and I only had plans to see friends in the evening. That meant the entire day was mine to do with as I pleased or as I felt led to. I did not feel led to do very much. I spent most of the day playing video games, talking to Amanda, and tidying up here and there but I would not say that I accomplished anything significant.

See, I didn't have to do anything and I also didn't want to do anything that required effort. There is Greek and Hebrew that I could study but that is taxing and time consuming. There are topics I could write about but that requires sustained bursts of motivation. There are books I could be reading but that requires sitting down and being somewhat idle for a prolonged period of time. I didn't have to do anything and I didn't want to do anything that was hard.

In the winter, I have pointed to my seasonal lows as a reason for why I seemed to accomplish so little. I get less done in the winter because I have less energy and things are more difficult for me. But winter is pretty much over. Sure there is still snow on the ground and the like, but the sun comes up closer to 7 AM now and there isn't the near constant darkness that usually occurs in the winter. The air is becoming more humid and breathable again. Things are improving and there are less and less excuses for my own idleness. As the summer begins may I get out of my bed and back on track.