Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Don't Look Back in Anger

Yesterday I was angry. I was very angry. You might ask me "Ben, what was it that got you so angry", and I would have to tell you that I do not know. I can remember the experience of being angry quite vividly. I wanted to punch something, I had a hard time engaging in conversation, and everything was tipping me off. But there was no single thing that had made me so angry. It was more like a million tiny things had pushed the boulder of my anger down a hill and now there was no stopping.

It is amazing how difficult it can be to alter your own emotions when something like this happens. There was no moment for me to let go of, and as I got angry each subsequent offense made me more and more frustrated. First it was because we were talking about someone that made me upset, then it was because the equipment was broken, and then people started asking me questions and I got even more agitated even though it usually would have been fine.

I was blessed to find out that yesterday was a short day for me. I thought I would be there until 2, but I had misread my schedule and discovered that I was actually to go home at 10:30 am. This turned out to be the thing which turned aside my anger in that moment and so there was no chance to learn how to cool off in the moment. So today when I go back, I will need to consider how I stop from getting angry in the first place.